Caring for Aging Family Members When Your Baby Demands Solo Attention

As new parents, your life gets a complete overhaul. Days are a flurry of activity, and sleep is elusive. Babies demand relentless attention in those early few months. Thanks to their cuteness and the intensity of love we feel for them, babies succeed at keeping us on our toes, nonstop.

A National Library of Medicine report from 2023 found that over 40% of parents feel so stressed on most days that it can get “completely overwhelming.” A substantial number agree that concerns about those in their care make them anxious.

Families with senior adults may find themselves in an even more intense situation. Aging family members with chronic health conditions and mental health issues can also demand round-the-clock care. 

Seniors with poor health are more vulnerable to injuries or seasonal infections, like the flu. If you’re a solo caregiver, doctor’s appointments and wellness visits may be marked all over your calendar.

How can you balance being a caregiver for adults while also attending to your baby?

Ramp Up the Babyproofing, Adults Included

Making the house safe for the baby is among the first things we do as parents. Some people begin these measures during the nesting stage of pregnancy, i.e., the last trimester. You pad the sharp ends of the furniture and place guardrails near stairs.

Many of these household modifications can work very well for senior adults with physical or mental health challenges. Incorporating them into your plan for upgrades can help you achieve much more with the babyproofing project.

For instance, fall prevention for seniors is of critical importance. Muscle weakness or chronic health conditions, such as diabetes and arthritis, can render older adults susceptible to falls. The aftermath can be reduced mobility and increased social isolation. 

Household Safety Edits for Seniors

Include plans for older family members when making babyproofing-related changes to your home. These could entail having cleaning supplies readily available to wipe milk spills before they can cause someone to slip. Or repairing old plumbing fixtures to make them more convenient to use. 

Some senior-living communities install slip-resistant flooring and accessible layouts to facilitate risk-free movement. Yes, much like parents do for their early crawlers and inquisitive preschoolers. Many other components of babyproofing, such as bright lighting for visibility and clutter-free floors for injury-free play, apply well to senior adults.

Recently, the UK government has renewed focus on building age-appropriate housing, i.e., homes that will be suitable for adults in later life. For example, it highlights aspects such as easy-grip ironmongery, bathrooms that allow future adaptation, and security provisions like emergency call systems.

These edits can make a substantial difference to how comfortable your family members will feel in the house.

Reach Out to Your Extended Social Circle

Caring for aging relatives with a baby in tow can take a Herculean effort if you go it alone. It is best to seek help from extended family members and your social circles, like friends and neighbors. You can also connect with senior care facilities in your neighborhood, some of which may offer at-home support.

The Conversation has an insightful feature on how many older people in Ghana are aging alone and what the country can do about it. It seems that the impact is worse for women, who are more vulnerable to feeling isolated due to widowhood.

In these circumstances, it has become essential to train more health volunteers in geriatric care, so people can have support in their homes. Moreover, changing the society’s perspective on aging from a decline in “usefulness” to a contribution toward resilience can also be helpful. 

It can work much the same way we ask our children to spend time with their grandparents, soaking in their stories and experiences. When you reach out to the metaphoric village to help with childcare, consider asking for support with elder care as well.

Exploring volunteer groups can be beneficial here. Recently, the American Hospital Association reported on the “Community Friendship Volunteer Program.” It pairs senior adults with volunteers for assistance with routine tasks, such as shopping. Volunteers can also join them for music and literature sessions, generally delivering companionship.

Treat Respite Time as a Necessity, Not a Luxury

Caring for a baby can be exhausting, particularly due to the lack of sleep and the constant state of being overwhelmed. Until you adapt to the new routine, you might experience intense emotions of confusion, frustration, and even guilt. When baby care demands all your focus, it is easy to feel guilty about ignoring others who need care.

What’s worse is that many of us continue to be submerged in the guilt trap even when we finally find some time for ourselves. For example, suppose your partner asks you to take the afternoon off on a weekend and read a book in a cafe. You may spend half the time obsessing about whether your baby is fine. If you could have utilized this time to care for a senior family member instead. You have been ignoring them, after all.

These thought patterns can cause you to spread yourself too thin. A Frontiers in Psychology study notes the grim reality of caregiver burnout in mothers with children of special needs. These parents may experience self-stigma, the burden of expectations, and emotional exhaustion.

It doesn’t stop there. 

Not engaging in self-care can also create a rift in your relationships with your partner or other family members. A recent Her Index report found that 100% of the women surveyed claim that mom gets the most “requested” for tasks at home. Worse, the constant workload is often taken for granted.

Women who try to handle multiple caregiving roles in a home with an unequal division of labor are more likely to feel dissatisfied in their marriages. 

Quick Self-Care Tips for Stressed-Out Parents

Feeling pressured by too many responsibilities and inadequate breaks or self-care time sets you up for burnout. So, grab whatever respite you can get with both hands and make the most of it. 

• Take mini-breaks from caregiving tasks, like a quick lunch with a friend. They can refresh you.

• Focus on your nutrition. Eat the same balanced meals you prepare for others, and not convenience foods.

• Assert your right to take a break, whether it is on a public holiday or a long weekend. You can spend this as you please, hiring a babysitter or an at-home caregiver, if needed.

Juggling childcare and elder care is no mean feat. It requires stamina, discipline, and dedication. Most importantly, it needs love and commitment to keep your people, both little and older ones, healthy and safe.

And yes, we believe this chaotic juggling does get easier when you learn the ropes and some miracles happen, like your baby sleeping through the night. You’ll get there.