Co-Parenting After Divorce: Setting Your Family Up for Success

Looking for proven advice on co-parenting after divorce?

Divorce sucks. But life after divorce can be incredibly challenging too, especially if you and your ex aren't seeing eye to eye.

One of the most critical things you can do for your kids? Successfully co-parent with your ex.

…and guess what?

Research reveals that close to 1/3 of children in the U.S. will experience divorce before reaching adulthood. MILLIONS of kids each year are adjusting to life with divorced parents.

The good news is that parents who divorce can raise happy, healthy kids.

You just need to be intentional about following a few key principles.

Ready to learn what they are?

Here's what you're about to learn:

• Why Co-Parenting Is Crucial For Your Kids' Success
• How To Lay the Groundwork For Strong Co-Parenting
• How to Communicate With Your Ex… WITHOUT going crazy
• How to Create a Rock-Solid Parenting Plan
  

Let's jump in.

Why Co-Parenting Is Crucial For Your Kids' Success

You may be thinking…

Why is co-parenting after divorce so important anyway?

Won't my kids just be fine if we live apart?

As it turns out, kids do much better when their parents make an effort to co-parent effectively.

Researchers from the Institute for Family Studies found that children with shared parenting "arrangements had better outcomes on all 16 of the domains studied, from academic achievement to emotional health to aggression and drug use than children in sole custody families."

Children need both parents. Even if you two are no longer romantically involved.

When parents don't effectively co-parent after divorce, kids fall through the cracks.

They no longer have two parents consistently fighting for their success.

But here's the thing most divorcing parents don't know…

Investing in experienced divorce representation from a qualified Family Lawyer early can set the stage for effective co-parenting right away. Having your custody orders officially laid out helps keep everyone accountable moving forward. Plus, having a solid lawyer on your side will help ensure the best divorce settlement possible.

When parents divorce early in children's lives, they may face challenges later on. One study found children of divorce were more likely to earn less as adults and have teen pregnancies.

Laying the Groundwork For Strong Co-Parenting

Successful co-parenting begins with the right mindset.

If you want to co-parent effectively with your ex…

Recognize that your marriage is OVER.

Start treating your co-parenting relationship as a new beginning, not an extension of your broken marriage.

Why does this matter?

Simple.

When you refuse to let go of bitterness or resentment from your divorce, it WILL impact your ability to co-parent effectively.

Let's look at one example…

Parents who continually bring up past issues, mistakes, or grievances from the marriage have greater difficulty co-parenting consistently.

But parents who cut each other some slack and focus on tomorrow tend to do better.

According to research from PMC, parents who effectively co-parent accounted for less than half of divorced parents in the sample.

Keep that in mind next time you're butting heads with your ex.

Parents who work on co-parenting with a focus on the future:

• Avoid picking battles that don't involve kids
• Respectfully allow each other parenting time with the kids
• Understand when scheduling changes are necessary
• Communicate in healthy ways
• Support children's relationship with other parent

Mastering these fundamentals of co-parenting can help you avoid the less than 50% statistic above.

How to Communicate With Your EX… WITHOUT Losing Your Mind

Communication.

It's easy to say, but can be extremely difficult to do with your ex.

Remember how we said successful co-parenting isn't about you?

It's time to practice what we preach.

When you and your ex need to discuss your children, try to keep things as amicable as possible.

You don't have to be friends. You do have to co-parent.

Keep things civil. Speak to your co-parent in the same way that you would a coworker. Stay on topic. Don't take things personal. And above all, keep your conversations child-focused.

Use text or email when possible. Not only does this create a written record of your communication, but it allows you and your ex time to cool off before responding. Say goodbye to yelling and starting arguments.

Check in regularly. Touch base with each other consistently about how the kids are doing. Weekly or bi-weekly updates can reduce the number of texts and allow both parents to stay informed about what's going on. Create a rhythm with your communication.

Above all…

Never use your kids as a messenger.

Parents who do this are asking for trouble. You should not have to ask your children about the other parent's schedule or ask them to relay messages. I cannot stress this enough.

Communication is important.

How you connect with your co-parent makes all the difference in keeping your communication productive.

How to Create a Rock-Solid Parenting Plan

Regardless of your relationship with your ex-spouse, a parenting plan is non-negotiable.

You and your ex NEED to be on the same page about the basics.

After all, how are you supposed to co-parent if you're not both following the same playbook?

A detailed parenting plan lays everything out for you and your ex.

It should include:

• Who has the children during what days
• Holiday schedules
• Decision-making rights
• Communication guidelines
• Transportation details
• Contingencies for missed parenting time

When you and your ex are on the same page about your children's schedule, you can successfully co-parent.

Want to avoid conflicts with your parenting plan?

Be as detailed as possible.

I cannot stress this enough.

Including as many details as you can think of WILL save you from arguments down the road. The more detailed you are, the easier it is to co-parent.

Our tips for crafting your parenting plan include:

• Including a calendar with the days and times kids change households
• Planning for holidays, birthdays, and vacations (who has the kids and when)
• Outline decision-making rules. Will disputes be settled jointly? How?
• Determine how you will communicate with each other. Will you only use a co-parenting app?
• Pick location for exchanges to take place
• Who transports the kids? When?
• If one parent misses parenting time, what happens? Do they make it up?
  

Parents who think ahead prevent conflict.

A good parenting plan anticipates potential issues and outlines how you'll handle them.

Can't agree on everything?

Consider working with a mediator to reach agreements. Mediation has been shown to successfully resolve 70-80% of custody cases. It's also less expensive and quicker than traditional courtroom litigation.

When Co-Parenting Isn't Working

We know co-parenting with your ex isn't always black and white.

High conflict divorce requires different tactics.

In situations where there is too much conflict, you may need to consider parallel parenting.

Essentially…

Parallel parenting means you and your ex do what's best for your children, but you limit contact with each other.

Communicate only through text or email. Only about the kids.

Exchange your children in a public place.

And allow each other to do things your way when you have parenting time.

When you and your ex fight too much to co-parent, parallel parenting can help your kids from being impacted by the conflict.

Don't be afraid to seek outside help.

A family therapist, co-parenting coordinator, or mediator can help you work through issues. There's no shame in asking for help. Healthy kids is the goal, not being "right."

Co-parenting after divorce is hard.

But it doesn't have to break you.

When divorcing parents focus on what's best for their children, following a detailed parenting plan, and communicate effectively, they can successfully co-parent.

Here's your quick recap:

• Do what's best for your kids
• Communicate clearly and professionally with your co-parent
• Have a detailed parenting plan AND follow it
• Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it
  

Your children will only be young once.

They deserve both parents fighting for their success now and in the future.

A divorce may have separated you and your ex-spouse.

But it doesn't have to tear your family apart.

Use this guide to help you successfully co-parent after divorce.

It's a win for you. Your ex. And most importantly… your kids.